He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Pooping to opera.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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