Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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