I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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