i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
