i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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