dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
