I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
