she woke up with a sticky ear
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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