your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
farters have to be the big spoon...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
