I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
