Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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