I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
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I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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