called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
