She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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