the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
birth control should be required to get into college
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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