i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you still have your period?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
