does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
