I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
