I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
