Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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