it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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