the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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