when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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