i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Drake has all the answers
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
