I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
