When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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