did you get engaged???
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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