Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
