You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
