so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
