Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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