Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
