These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
