I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
