rhymes with "ouble enetration"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
