Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
