Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
