Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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