dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
