Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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