Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
