So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
there is glitter all over my balls
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
