i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
