Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.

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(706): View more from Georgia

What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.

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(631): View more from New York

I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me

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(518): View more from New York

I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed

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(713): View more from Texas

Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.

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(845): View more from New York

I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...

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