It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
