We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
