i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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