Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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