you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
