if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize