he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
