Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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