it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
