You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
