I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm drive I can fine osifer
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
