walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
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I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
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I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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