tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
