I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
