My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
