i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
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I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
dude. I can hear the air.
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