i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
