There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.