I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
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Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
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It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????