Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
