You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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