no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
