i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
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Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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