He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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