chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
