Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He? As in you personified your dick?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
