That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
