Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
