She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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